I realized recently that I care more about my fantasy football team than I had planned on. I was out at a bar Thursday night, looked up and saw the countdown to the Patriots vs. Jets game, and my gut reaction was: Shit, I forgot to update my roster! (Fortunately, kind of, I’m already in last place in my league. I can’t do any worse!)
So, to keep tabs on my players, I spent the better part of Sunday afternoon watching football – specifically, the Eagles vs. the Bengals, but checking in elsewhere. I’m never overly optimistic about my sports teams (fantasy or otherwise), but I thought this game would be all right. While a 5-4 record doesn’t exactly indicate a team to be reckoned with, I thought the Eagles could hold their own against the 1-8 Bengals.
But they couldn’t.
I sat on the edge of my bed, leaning toward the TV, screaming every time McNabb threw an interception. It hurt a little bit. But, you know what? As frustrating as the game was, the running commentary was even more so.
With the game tied up at the end of 4th quarter, one commentator started pulling out statistics regarding the last time an NFL game had ended in a tie. I don’t think I could have cared less at that point. (As a side note: I’ve always wondered who finds all those stats and feeds them to the commentators – and just how many people are working on it at once. I may not have cared about this particular one, but some of them are so obscure, it’s fascinating.) In any case, I would have rather had more obscure statistics than the comment that followed:
“What does a tie do for the Eagles? Well, it’s better than a loss, but it’s not as good as a win.“
No shit, Sherlock. I’m not even sure where to start with that statement. I almost feel like my intelligence is being insulted. If you want to comment on the effect a tie could have, tell me how it will affect the Eagles’ chances in the NFC East. Give me some sense of what they’ll have to do in the rest of the season, to ensure that this tie doesn’t hurt them too terribly. Or, if it’s something that will ultimately hurt them in the end – tell me that! Don’t sugarcoat it. I’m a big girl; I can take it. I would even prefer something ridiculous like: “The last time an NFC East team ended an afternoon game in a tie on the 3rd Sunday in November, when Mercury was in the 3rd house and the weather was below 50 degrees, they went on to win their division.” (Okay, maybe the stats aren’t quite that ridiculous, but I’m not so far off. Astrology is about the only thing they don’t incorporate – yet.)
Don’t worry. Painfully obvious commentary isn’t enough to make me stop watching football, by any means, but I might just start watching on mute from time to time.
You know, the same way guys watch Britney Spears videos.
*See? I could be an NFL commentator, too!