I’d love to be able to say that I’m not a jealous person, but that would be a lie. I’ll settle for saying that I’m not usually a jealous person, and that I’m not nearly as bad as I used to be. It’s something that I’ve been working on, and something that I’ve only just recently had a breakthrough about.
I don’t get jealous of the things that other people have. Sure, I may want his car, her outfit, their apartment, etc, but overall I’m content – happy and satisfied, even. I don’t get jealous if my friends have plans with other friends because, well, I’m not in middle school anymore.
I do, however, get jealous, from time to time, in relationship-y situations.
And it’s not something I like to admit, for obvious reasons.
I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize why I get jealous, but it has. Maybe because my jealousy isn’t an across-the-board thing, so the reason was harder to pinpoint. When dating someone, I’d never want him to give up his girl friends. I don’t constantly think that every girl is making passes at him. I’m not that crazy. What I’ve realized, though, is that there are some situations, some people, who just get under my skin.
But it’s more than feeling jealous; it’s feeling like they could replace me.
(That sentence is, at once, one of the hardest things I’ve written/admitted, and possibly one of the more embarrassing, as it makes me feel petty. I can feel my cheeks blush as I even think the words.)
I wish I knew where it came from. Because 98 percent of the time I am confident in myself and ergo in my relationships. But then that two percent sneaks in and starts whispering in my ear, Look at that. That’s the same thing he said to you when you first started hanging out. She’s better than you at [x, y or z], and that used to be your thing. Look at the way they act – you recognize all of those moves.
Basically, that inner two percent is a bitch. And I recognize this. But I still can’t stop it all the time. Who knew that two could have such sway?
So I have two questions:
- Is it possible (and if so, how?) to shut up your inner bitch? I’m not proud of the fact that I need to, but I’d rather be aware of it than not.
- Do you think it’s possible to not get jealous at all? I posed that question to friends and came up with most ladies thinking it’s not possible (everyone gets jealous about something, at some point), and most gentlemen saying, of course it’s possible. What’s there to be jealous of?
Thoughts?
Guys get jealous too, do not let them fool you. I would agree that generally, not always, women are more jealous than men. My wife was the world’s worst. She used to get mad at me for having any friend that was female and she did not know them. She had no reason to not trust me and still doesn’t. It took some screaming matches and some serious conversations to get her to the point where she doesn’t blow her lid. She now asks politely who it is and if there is something she doesn’t like, she ask me about it calmly and she then rationalizes with me why she did not like it and she then disregards the irrational and asks me to correct or look out for the rational thoughts….. I guess what that long run-on sentence was saying is to calm yourself and make yourself be totally rational.
Understood. When I’m rational, I *know* there’s no reason to be jealous.
To say that no one gets jealous, even just slightly so is (in my opinion) not possible. We all have tinges of jealousy, but I think it’s more about controlling them and not letting that part take over everything else.
We’re human and we have our weaknesses. It’s how we work through them that counts.
Control is key. Some days it’s easier than others.
I used to feel that way too, you’re not alone. It goes away with time and trust…at least it did for me.
I believe that, definitely. And I know it’s not as bad now as it has been at points in the past.
I’m with Jo… it went away when I met the right guy.
Hmm…I wonder who that could be…
While it is certainly possible, it requires a highly evolved and self aware individual to not experience jealousy. I consider it delusional to think the odds are any better than winning powerball. That is not to say that the volume of the voices of our inner crazy don’t have a setting sufficiently low and overridden by our better angels.
I like that. So I don’t have to eliminate it, just lower the volume.
I was going to write something very insightful…but I just got back from the dentist and that part of my brain isn’t working at the moment. As for jealousy, I’d have to say if you don’t feel at least a twinge of it from time to time, you might want to examine your feelings for the person you’re with. A little bit of jealousy reminds you how much you care for that person. Of course, that could just be the anesthetic talking.
Anesthetic can be very wise.
don’t feel all blushy about that sentence, i feel the exact same way sometimes. and sometimes it’s a totally silly situation, like at work when we hire a new girl i think “they don’t even care and they’re going to fire me and she’s going to take my place and they’ll totally forget me and i don’t even matter anymore”
and yeah, in my opinion i think it’s impossible to just not feel jealousy. people can lie about it all they want but i think everybody has it.
Thanks. Though, I still feel a little ridiculous when it gets the better of me.
I don’t think it ever really goes away. We’re always jealous of something. Maybe it’s not just about what we do ourselves, though. Maybe it really does help to be around people who know just how to reassure us that everything is okay.
i think jealously is part of life, im jealous of people all the time – the girl in the mercedes, the woman with the size two body, the mom playing with her two perfect boys – but as long as the jealously is fleeting and doesn’t eat you up inside i think it’s ok.
now you just have to try and not let it bother you, and i know that’s WAY easier said than done.
Jealous is a sign of insecurity, and while nobody is ever truly insecure maybe you have to look at yourself and the situation to see what’s really worth worrying about and what’s simply in your head.