I’d love to be able to say that I’m not a jealous person, but that would be a lie. I’ll settle for saying that I’m not usually a jealous person, and that I’m not nearly as bad as I used to be. It’s something that I’ve been working on, and something that I’ve only just recently had a breakthrough about.
I don’t get jealous of the things that other people have. Sure, I may want his car, her outfit, their apartment, etc, but overall I’m content – happy and satisfied, even. I don’t get jealous if my friends have plans with other friends because, well, I’m not in middle school anymore.
I do, however, get jealous, from time to time, in relationship-y situations.
I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize why I get jealous, but it has. Maybe because my jealousy isn’t an across-the-board thing, so the reason was harder to pinpoint. When dating someone, I’d never want him to give up his girl friends. I don’t constantly think that every girl is making passes at him. I’m not that crazy. What I’ve realized, though, is that there are some situations, some people, who just get under my skin.
But it’s more than feeling jealous; it’s feeling like they could replace me.
(That sentence is, at once, one of the hardest things I’ve written/admitted, and possibly one of the more embarrassing, as it makes me feel petty. I can feel my cheeks blush as I even think the words.)
I wish I knew where it came from. Because 98 percent of the time I am confident in myself and ergo in my relationships. But then that two percent sneaks in and starts whispering in my ear, Look at that. That’s the same thing he said to you when you first started hanging out. She’s better than you at [x, y or z], and that used to be your thing. Look at the way they act – you recognize all of those moves.
Basically, that inner two percent is a bitch. And I recognize this. But I still can’t stop it all the time. Who knew that two could have such sway?
So I have two questions:
- Is it possible (and if so, how?) to shut up your inner bitch? I’m not proud of the fact that I need to, but I’d rather be aware of it than not.
- Do you think it’s possible to not get jealous at all? I posed that question to friends and came up with most ladies thinking it’s not possible (everyone gets jealous about something, at some point), and most gentlemen saying, of course it’s possible. What’s there to be jealous of?