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Archive for October 29th, 2008

When I was little, I used to try to control my dreams before I fell asleep. I’d lie in bed, think back to all the dreams I’d had, and decide which one I wanted to have that particular night. (Ah, the “control freak” signs were there so early…)

I know now that I can’t control my dreams, but it doesn’t stop me from wishing I could. Especially when I wake up feeling rattled from whatever went on in my unconscious. It actually happened twice in high school, and one of those times involved me waking up angry at my then-boyfriend. I must not have hidden it well (story of my life) because when he saw me, his first question was, “What’s wrong?” I explained that, while I knew it was a bit irrational, I’d woken up mad at him, after having a vivid dream of him cheating on me. Thankfully, I couldn’t have asked for a better response from him: “Liebchen, I’m so sorry. [Yes! He apologized!] You know that would never happen, but I’m so sorry that you even had it on your mind.” That, of course, made everything better, simply because it was him, and that’s the magic of a first love.

Unfortunately, the aftermath of last night’s dream was not as easily remedied. Not only did I wake up in the middle of the night, but when I thought back to what woke me up, I wanted to cry. (I’d been sobbing uncontrollably in my dream. My mother had told me that she was dying, and that my father had already passed away the week before. Not exactly an upper, huh?) So this morning, pulling myself out of bed took extra effort, and I started the day by berating my unconscious for such an ugly dream.

If I had my druthers, I would choose to “dream in Disney.” You know, “a dream is a wish your heart makes,” and all that. (Yeah, I just quoted Cinderella. What of it?) There’s enough stress in my life when I’m awake – I don’t need it when I’m sleeping, as well. Sadly (and surprisingly), it’s not easy shutting down my brain at night – it actually tends to go into overdrive as soon as I crawl into bed. But I think the first step may be cutting back on the TV before bedtime – except tonight, of course, when we finally continue the World Series!

And maybe, after watching the Phillies tonight, my dreams will be Hamels-filled. Now, that’s a fairy tale dream if I ever heard one.

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