This is another one of those stories that isn’t really mine – and I thank God for that. It belongs to another sorority sister, except, well, she doesn’t think it’s true. But we’ll get to that. All in due time.
We were in our sophomore year of college at yet another sorority formal, and there was (of course) a commotion in the bathroom. Cla had gone to check on Clueless at the request of her date, as she’d been gone for quite some time. The scene she happened upon was confusing and chaotic, to say the least. Clueless was in the stall, on the floor, and one of her roommates, Hoolia, was crouched next to her. Hoolia saw Cla come in, and turned back to Clueless: “Honey, look. Cla’s here now. Just let us help you.”
And just as Cla was about to ask what was going on and what they needed help with, Calk came running in: “I’ve got the scissors!”
Scissors? In the bathroom? What the…
Yeah. Clueless had shat herself. Her thong had to be cut off of her before she was taken to the hospital. So, obviously, when she woke up, she was sans underwear.
The next day, while talking to another of her roommates, Faux Southern Belle, Clueless expressed curiosity about where her thong had gotten to.
FSB [after only slight hemming and hawing]: “Honey, you pooped your pants.”
With anyone else, it could have ended there, albeit with a certain amount of embarrassment, and the acknowledgment that perhaps Clueless should be a Sober Sister at the next function. But, no.
Clueless: “No, I don’t think that’s what happened. I think they just had to take them off at the hospital. I mean, I really only got sick because I just drank the champagne really fast at the pre-game.”
Oh really? Is that how you remember it? Because there are at least 15 people who know differently, and another 50 (or more), who’ve heard from them.
So how, exactly, do you convince someone that she shat herself?
Apparently, you don’t. To this day, she still doesn’t accept that it happened.
On the one hand, I feel a little bit bad. Everyone at the formal knew nearly as soon as it happened. Even her date.
On the other hand, she was a 20-year-old girl who pooped her pants and tried to deny it, even WITH witnesses!
Good luck, sweetie. *You* may not remember it, but we all sure as hell do.