When I took the metro to work (i.e. when I lived in Virginia), I was productive. I did the Express crossword puzzle every morning, and I read whichever book I was working on at the time on the commute home. Now that I walk most everywhere (with the occasional bus ride), those two things have fallen by the wayside. Trust me – I’ve tried walking and doing a crossword puzzle and/or reading. The result is almost always disastrous.
The alternative, it seems, is that I spend a lot of time listening to my iPod, judging observing my surroundings, and spending too much time in my own head. The first two: good. The last: it has its ups and downs.
You see, I am something of an Over Analyzer. About everything. I know, I know – you’re shocked. I’ll give you a minute.
The more I try to use my 25 minute commute to do something worthwhile – run through my schedule, return phone calls (okay, I don’t do that in the morning, usually – that’d just be cruel), make an appointment, run a quick errand – the more I get sidetracked by my own thoughts. And trust me – they’re not that entertaining.
The “favored” train of thought has led me to believe that I may be more cynical than I initially imagined, as I can never seem to just let a Good Thing be a Good Thing. I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop, looking for the flaws, hatching a backup plan.
The problem, though, with looking for flaws is that if they don’t exist (any major ones, anyway), you end up creating them. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. And that M.O. is just not working for me anymore.
I know you can’t force optimism (cautious or otherwise), but my cynicism could use a vacation. It’s long overdue.
“So let go, let go, jump in, oh well what you waiting for? It’s all right, ’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown.”