Archive for January 6th, 2010

I’ve realized recently that I can divide most of the guys I’ve dated, into two different categories.

  • The first type is the kind of guy that I *should* be dating. It’s a good relationship that, even when it’s over, inspires more fond memories than regrets.
  • The second type is the kind of guy who I turn to when I fear that I’ve gotten in a rut with the first type (or looking/waiting for the first type), and I think I need to branch out.

These types have nothing to do with looks.

(Though there was once a string of such similar looking gentlemen that even my mother commented on it. And she backed it up with side-by-side photos of me with each guy. But that’s neither here nor there.)

They have everything to do with personality.

  • The first type is confident. He is intelligent and passionate and not afraid to disagree with me. In fact, most of my best type-one-relationships and I have differed on topics that are very important to me (religion being the big one), but in such thought-provoking ways that it’s never been a dealbreaker.
  • On the other hand, the second type tries to be intelligent and thought-provoking (and is, perhaps, passionate), but falls short. He makes shallow, surface arguments, that suggest that he either doesn’t know all the facts, or is parroting popular opinion – or both.
  • The first type can read me like a book. Nothing gets by him, even when I want it to, because he’s so attuned to my facial expressions, and the slight, but very telling movements of my body. No, I don’t expect him to read my mind, but sometimes he reads me so well that it feels like it.
  • The second type is easier to hide things from – which is a sign, though not the biggest, that he’s not who I should be with anyway. It’s not that he doesn’t care. We’re just on different wavelengths.
  • The first type is aware of himself. He has grown into himself, and isn’t constantly trying to prove something. As a reflection of this, he usually tends to be a few (or more) years older, though I know that age does not guarantee maturity.
  • By contrast, the second type is never done trying to prove something – anything – to everyone. He also tends to be my age. That’s what happens when I think, maybe I’m just being too picky. It’s what happens when I remind myself that age doesn’t have to equal maturity. It’s what happens…right before I return to being single, and continue looking for a Type One.

And it makes me realize that maybe having a type (like that, anyway) isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And it doesn’t mean that all Type Ones are the same – they each have something special, unique, that sets them apart. Some even more so than others.

But having a type also just means that I finally have a better idea of what I want. I know what’s important to me, what I need, and what I can’t stand.

And I feel like that’s half the battle.

So what do you think? Do you have a type (whether intentionally or not)? Or, possibly, did you only think you had a type…until someone else came along?

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