Quick note: a few of you asked which books I had left by the wayside, regarding my 25 for 25 (which I’ve turned into a tab – see above – or the link), so I’ve added the list. If this doesn’t keep me accountable, I don’t know what will.
Now, to the matter at hand – this most recent wedding. Since this was my third one this season, I figure I’m pretty much an expert at this point. And, as an expert, it’s my duty to share the knowledge. So, instead of a recap, I offer you a few helpful tips I’ve picked up, that I plan to use for my own way-way-in-the-future nuptials.
1) Have a photo game plan.
If you want to take family photos before the ceremony, set a specific time, and make sure all relevant people are aware of it. If the festivities are running a few minutes early or late, don’t worry. But if you say 1:30 and the photos aren’t taken until 3:00 (and then the same photo’s taken again after the ceremony), don’t be surprised if there are some cranky pants.
2) Keep it short and simple.
I understand that there are certain traditional elements that might extend the ceremony – a unity candle, breaking the glass, self-written vows – and that’s fine. This is more of a personal preference anyway (though I do plan on incorporating some of those traditions into my own ceremony). But the Minnesota wedding was the shortest I’ve ever been to – 23 minutes, give or take. (Yes, we timed it, because the boyfriend and I made an over/under bet for 35 minutes. I won.)
3) Two words: Open Bar.
Imagine getting up there only to be told that it’s cash only, and the ATM in the hotel where the reception’s being held is broken. If it’s an issue of cost, have a limited selection of wine and beer. But still try to keep it open.
4) Again on the bar – if it’s going to be open as soon as guests arrive at the reception, have at least some small hors d’oeuvres as well.
It can often take a while for the wedding party to get from the ceremony to the reception. They have more pictures to take, need to decompress, or want to just soak up the feeling and significance of what just happened. And they should. But, without snacks, this all means that there could be a very long time between the beginning of the cocktails and the consumption of food – and that’s never good.
5) The band or DJ can make or break the party.
Now, I prefer a live band, but to each his own. The important part is that they know how to set the tone. They have a lot of responsibility to play songs that will get people out on the dance floor, and keep people going. A good band/DJ will make you want to keep dancing even when the lights come on. And if they do their job right, then they won’t have to resort to playing the Cha Cha Slide.
Unless that’s what you request.
Keep in mind, these are only a few of the pearls of wisdom I’ve picked up over this past wedding season. I won’t go into dress code, location, guest list, or toasts (this time), but don’t think I haven’t learned a little something about those VERY important topics as well.
I’ll just save them for the potential part II – when the next set of weddings rolls around.
What would you add to this list? And, thinking of the best wedding you’ve been to, what made it the best?
We had a small, brunch time wedding and still had champagne and wine. Immediately available. Priorities, people.
Also, we opted not to have a receiving line. On the plus side, it meant people could enjoy the food and drink that much faster (including us.) On the down side, it meant people had to do some introductions on their own and not everybody did. I guess we know some folks who have limited social skills. (Besides me. :))
I like that idea, actually, of forgoing the receiving line. You’re right – that definitely took up a big chunk of time.
Last December was the first wedding I’ve been to with a Live band – I had my doubts, and then they played “September” (do you rememba?!), and well, we danced. And danced. It was awesome!
Short & simple, live band, open bar. Can’t go wrong with that trio. đŸ˜‰
Nice! The band at the Tampa wedding played “Empire State of Mind” so well that I couldn’t believe it wasn’t a recording. That’s what sold me on the live bands.
I have been to 10 wedding in the past 2 1/2 years. The two most important parts that can make or break a reception is the DJ/Band and the food/drink. Crappy food and/or crappy music makes for quick exits. I have DJ’d 3 weddings myself and knowing the dynamics of the guests helps a lot. Playing the cupid shuffle for a crowd full of back woods people is probably not a good idea, no matter how much you enjoy the quirky reactions from the guests.
I have to ask, as a wedding DJ, how often do you actually honor song requests? Or do you just say “sure” and put it on the back burner? Because I think the DJ this time chose the latter option.
Oh. My. God. No open bar? Is that even legal at a wedding? I absolutely agree. If it’s a cost thing, offer a limited selection but for god’s sake, keep it free!
Things I’ve learned in the many, many wedding’s I’ve been to:
Let the groom pick the cake.
Never plan an outdoor ceremony, in August, anywhere south of, oh, say Maine. I was in a ceremony of a dear, dear friend in Raleigh. I was wearing a tux with a vest. It was 92 degrees. Good thing we were friends.
However, if you choose to ignor the above and decide to have a late afternoon, outdoor ceremony in a downtown area during the summer, check the performing arts schedule for a 1-mile radius. You never know when someone’s going to, oh I don’t know, maybe start a rock concert two blocks away. I was in the wedding and could barely hear the preacher.
My younger brother had the best wedding I’ve ever been to. Big(ish), but still simple and nothing but class all around. An open bar, food when you walked into the reception and even a flask of Jameson’s in the vestry to pass the time before the ceremony. My only complaint was the complete lack of bridesmaids. My dear sister-in-law chose to have her brothers as attendents. This deprived not just the groomsmen (i.e. me) of drunken bridesmaids, but her brothers as well.
Wow. Outdoors in Raleigh in August? That must have been a damn good friend.
And…no bridesmaids? I’m surprised you guys didn’t riot!
Keep the performance stuff down to a minimum and don’t starve your guests.
I was in a wedding years ago where there was a cocktail hour, then the first dance, then bride/dad dance, THEN groom/mom dance, then we sat down to eat. Except not – they had some more performance stuff. we sat through a long best man speech, a blessing, then A 15-MINUTE PHOTO SLIDE SHOW. Then the tables were called up one by one to go to the buffet – and my table was called last (mind you, again, I was a bridesmaid but was seated somewhere near Upper Volta). By the time we got called up, it was well past 9:00 and the caterers were almost out of everything. And did I mention this was after a 1.5 hour Catholic service? And a long photo session in windy, cold weather in a skimpy chiffon gown, which got longer and longer because the groomsmen kept dawdling and wandering off? Oh, and that I had the flu?
I’m still close friends with that couple, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven them. My Elvis wedding clocked in at 18 minutes, including paperwork and photos. I mean, sure, the moment Elvis asked us to be each other’s hound dogs, I was pretty sure things wouldn’t work out. But it was a model of efficiency.
I do love the slideshows at weddings, showing all the childhood photos and whatnot, but I’d like to think that most of us can multi-task. That is, we can watch AND eat at the same time.
I can only wish my brides would have unlimited budgets.
Whether is an indian or maroccan wedding, we always pay attention to all details. When it comes to planning a wedding, all aspects are to be looked into with the outmost attention.
I would think a DJ might be better if that expands the songs you can get played- I also went to a wedding where the couple had a “Never ever play” list for the DJ in case of rouge requests.
Yeah, the “never ever play” list can be key. I’m pretty sure a friend of mine had one of those – to keep us (her high school girlfriends) from being wholly inappropriate.
I always suggest to my brides to just let us handle the work, that’s what we are getting paid.
I could not agree more on these…I have been to weddings where no alcohol was served – talk about lame. I think some people forget the the point of the wedding is to share your happy moment with your friends and family and so you should make sure they’re happy too…free flowing alcohol is definitely necessary to keep me happy.