Dear Brian Wilson,
You kind of ruined the All-Star Game for me.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m happy about the National League win. I like to think that it will come in handy for my Phillies later on down the road. You know, if I made predictions or anything.
But seeing you on camera kind of put a damper on the evening because – gee, how do I put this nicely – you look disgusting. Your beard is awful.
And you should know that I’m generally a huge fan of facial hair. Even unkempt facial hair.
Case in point:
So, maybe I’m still bitter about the 2010 NLCS. And maybe I haven’t forgiven you (or Uribe, or the Panda, or Cody Ross) and that’s coloring my judgment, but your beard still grosses me out.
You know that commercial where it shows what’s living in there? I fear that it might actually be accurate (not the dancers, maybe, but some living organism).
Because I’m such a helpful person, I’d like to offer up a couple solutions to this problem.
1) Get rid of the beard. It’s not often you’ll hear me say that, so take it to heart.
2) Just stop pitching. Quit the Giants (you’ll be better off) and go take up another hobby. A private hobby. Once you’re out of the spotlight, I’m sure this will be less of an issue.
You don’t have to let me know what you’ve decided. I’m pretty smart. I’m sure I’ll figure it out.
For now, I’m just counting my blessings that I don’t have to see the beard in person. I might actually vomit.
Do the right thing, Brian.
Still hating you and your 2010 Giants,