I wish I had recorded this phone conversation and could share it that way, but this is the next best thing. It’s not exactly word-for-word, but it’s pretty damn close.
It all started with me updating my mom on our baby preparation.
Me: And we have an appointment tomorrow to get the car seat inspected.
Mama: You have to get it inspected? Why?
Me: You don’t have to, but to make sure it’s installed right. Make sure it’s not too loose, all of that.
Mama: We never got our car seats inspected. They just trusted we knew how to do it. And you only fell out once.
Me: What? When?
Mama: I don’t know. I was in a hurry. Maybe I didn’t buckle you in right, or maybe the seat was loose. But I noticed eventually when you were on the floor in the backseat.
Me: Oh, good. Was this when you hit the guardrail?
Mama: No, that was a different time. You didn’t fall out then.
***at another point in the conversation***
Me: And we got a mirror so we can see what’s going on with him when he’s in the car seat.
Mama: That’s what the rearview mirror is for.
Me: Yes, but that doesn’t work when they’re rear-facing.
Mama: What?! They’re rear-facing? Since when? And why? How am I supposed to notice when you’re eating pennies or sticking them up your nose?
Me: That’s what the backseat mirror is for!
***and later on, referencing the permanent bump on my head***
Mama: I know when you got that bump.
Me: You told me you weren’t sure.
Mama: Well, it could have been any number of times. You did a lot of face plants, and none of them had to do with a car seat being too loose.
Me: Not even when I fell out?
Mama: You didn’t fall on your head that time.
Me: On that note, I know you have baby gates, so how is it possible that I went down the stairs in my walker? (one of my many face plants)
Mama: I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t put the gate up. Maybe I thought you couldn’t reach it. Or maybe you moved it.
Me: So you underestimated me?
So I’ve fallen out of my un-inspected, forward-facing car seat, presumably stuck pennies up my nose, done multiple face plants, and removed baby gates from my path. And I’m fine.
I can’t say that I wish these things for my son, but at least I know that he’ll survive.
And we’re still getting the seat inspected.