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Archive for January, 2016

  1. Ask him to wear his boots so it will be easier to walk from the car to daycare. (You know he hates being carried anymore.) Concede to sneakers, but tell him he can’t walk in the snow then.
  2. Put his milk – which he wasn’t drinking anyway – in the fridge to save it for later. Only once it’s gone will he decide he wants it.
  3. Attempt to stuff him into his jacket (which wouldn’t have been necessary if he would have just put the damn thing on the first time you asked instead of running away from you).
  4. Strap him into his car seat after explaining that it’s too cold to walk that far [to daycare] and Mama has to get to work and you’re already running late.
  5. Carry him from the car to daycare because you’re wearing boots and he’s not, even though you explained the concept of boots and snow to him rationally just 15 minutes earlier.

If you follow these 5 simple steps (in any order, for your convenience), you, too, can ruin your child’s life* to the point that he shows up to daycare with tears on his face and your daycare provider asks you what you’ve done to him, you monster.

You’re welcome.

*Or morning, whatever. Same same.

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