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Posts Tagged ‘shutting up my inner bitch’

Most young professionals who live in DC, and many that don’t, recognize the city as a transient one. It’s often just a stop between places, not the one where you settle down. It’s also somewhat of a shock to hear someone say they’re from DC – because here, we’re all from somewhere else. Even now, after being here for a few years, I still say that I’m originally from Philly. Because I am.

But I’ve realized lately that being from DC can sometimes be relative.

Between econ classes, the majority of us trek across the street to Starbucks in order to refuel, and we’ve gotten to talking about specific programs we’ve signed up for, what we’re looking forward to and dreading about grad school, and what we’ve been up to around the city.

And the other day, I heard the following exchange:

Girl #1: “Have you heard about this little bar right by the school? Froggy Bottom Pub?”

Girl #2: “Oh my gosh, is that really what it’s called?”

Girl #1: “Yeah! Isn’t that funny? Just like Foggy Bottom!”

All the while I’m thinking, well, duh. That’s where we go after softball. And it’s right up the street from class – how could you have missed it?

And then:

Girl #1: “And have you checked out Eastern Market yet? It’s so cute, with these little produce stands, and all this stuff!”

Girl #2: “No! I’ve been meaning to get down there. That sounds so fun!”

Now, I realize that this would have been a perfect moment to go ahead and be friendly, and potentially end up giving helpful DC pointers. But I did interject after the first Froggy Bottom comment. (Not with what I was thinking, thank you very much, but with something very pleasant. Saying how much fun the bar was, how our team loves the bartender, etc.) And Girl #1, who was so excited about all these new things in DC that she’d just discovered, looked at me like I had just rained on her parade by even knowing about her new bar. So I stopped.

One of the guys had heard most of the exchange, and asked me how long I’d been in DC.

Just about 3 years now.

Wow! So you’re a local!

I can honestly say that that’s the first time anyone has ever called me a DC local. And that’s not a bad thing – compared to him and the other two girls in the exchange, I guess I am. But it just made Girl #1’s reaction even stranger. If you’re in a new city, don’t you want tips from a so-called local, even if you don’t plan on following any of them?

So much for being friendly.

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I’d love to be able to say that I’m not a jealous person, but that would be a lie. I’ll settle for saying that I’m not usually a jealous person, and that I’m not nearly as bad as I used to be. It’s something that I’ve been working on, and something that I’ve only just recently had a breakthrough about.

I don’t get jealous of the things that other people have. Sure, I may want his car, her outfit, their apartment, etc, but overall I’m content – happy and satisfied, even. I don’t get jealous if my friends have plans with other friends because, well, I’m not in middle school anymore.

I do, however, get jealous, from time to time, in relationship-y situations.

And it’s not something I like to admit, for obvious reasons.envy

I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize why I get jealous, but it has. Maybe because my jealousy isn’t an across-the-board thing, so the reason was harder to pinpoint. When dating someone, I’d never want him to give up his girl friends. I don’t constantly think that every girl is making passes at him. I’m not that crazy. What I’ve realized, though, is that there are some situations, some people, who just get under my skin.

But it’s more than feeling jealous; it’s feeling like they could replace me.

(That sentence is, at once, one of the hardest things I’ve written/admitted, and possibly one of the more embarrassing, as it makes me feel petty. I can feel my cheeks blush as I even think the words.)

I wish I knew where it came from. Because 98 percent of the time I am confident in myself and ergo in my relationships. But then that two percent sneaks in and starts whispering in my ear, Look at that. That’s the same thing he said to you when you first started hanging out. She’s better than you at [x, y or z], and that used to be your thing. Look at the way they act – you recognize all of those moves.

Basically, that inner two percent is a bitch. And I recognize this. But I still can’t stop it all the time. Who knew that two could have such sway?

So I have two questions:

  1. Is it possible (and if so, how?) to shut up your inner bitch? I’m not proud of the fact that I need to, but I’d rather be aware of it than not.
  2. Do you think it’s possible to not get jealous at all? I posed that question to friends and came up with most ladies thinking it’s not possible (everyone gets jealous about something, at some point), and most gentlemen saying, of course it’s possible. What’s there to be jealous of?

Thoughts?

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